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The Office (UK) Soundboard

Tossing off over a pen
Do you really think you're earning your 12% by doing that kind of thing under the table?
Nor do I
Has he passed his forklift driver's test?
He gives the tests
Alright see you then
Thankyou David for the opportunity and continued support
I don't give shitty jobs
Keith, Keith, Keith, thanks for coming in
Um
You know what this is about, obviously you've seen the picture
There's a time when the joking has to stop though
Not only have I got people skills, but I'm training in covert operations
You know the phrase, softly softly catchy monkey?
I could catch a monkey
If I was starving I could, I would make poison darts out of the poison of deadly frogs
One miligram of that poison can kill a monkey, or a man
Prick yourself, you'll be dead within a day, or longer
Twenty-five
Age difference, too much
I'm not fourty-five
No?
Are you blind?
Look at pokey nose boy, Pinnochio man, you could have someone's eye out with that
I can't believe it
I don't think you ever had a chance with a 25 year old
Different frogs, different times
You got a price for matte coated SRA1?
If I can't see you, I can't hear you Gareth
Just tell me will you?
If you want to speak to me, then give me a ring, ok?
Ringing
It's on voicemail
Leave a message
Hi it's me, Gareth
Er, I need a price on matte coated
This is stupid
Yeah it is, this is stupid
Sorry mate, what do you want?
Er, I need a tonnage price on matte coated SRA1
I got 160 down here, but I'm sure that isn't right, because when I talked to Glynn earlier on
Right, I know you're not there
He was convinced there was a Japanese sniper
On the roof of Debenhams
The back of the roof looks directly onto his room, yeah
Good spot
It's a good spot, that's where I'd be if I had to take someone out
Look dad, there's no Japanese sniper
Lucky, that's lucky
If there was a sniper up there, you wouldn't see, you'd be like, oh, noone there, splat, splat, splat
Anyway
He is a vegetable now, and that's something we've all got to look forward to, so...
Happy Birthday
See you later
Hey buddy what, can I do, I've lived a good life, with about a thousand women, but why the tears he said, cuz none of them was you
That's not gay
Sounds a bit gay
A midget
What's the difference?
Well a dwarf is someone who has disproportionately short arms and legs
Oh I know the ones
Yeah
It's caused by a hormone deficiency
Bloody hormones
A midget is still a dwarf, but their arms and legs are in proportion
So, what's an elf?
Do you want to answer that?
An elf is a supernatural being, sometimes they're invisible, they're like fairies
They don't actually exist, do they, in real life?
Gareth Keenan
Who's that?
Oggy
Oggy Oggy Oggy, oink, oink, oink
Oggy Oggy Oggy, oink, oink, oink
Oggy, oggy
Oggy Oggy Oggy, oink, oink, oink
Yeah see you later
Do you still keep in touch with Oggy?
Was it, how is he?
No, I wish I did, he sounds great
Hello
Denzel Washington
He's brilliant, he's a brilliant actor
Yes, identical
But mine's not that size, it's very, very tiny, but it is made of plastic
Mine's massive, and it ain't made of plastic
Why?
Well why would I do that?
Straightfoward
It couldn't be easier
How's it going?
Er, what you doing with my computer?
What you doing with Warnam Hogg's computer?
No I don't need to know, but could you tell me anyway?
Ok what's that?
How long will it take?
Thanks
Hello, just another normal day at the office innit
So
What?
Hahaha
Ha
Hahahahe
Gareth, come here right
What are you doing?
These are some of the things we're doing today, always a good laugh you know, raise quite a lot
We are raising money for people who are starving to death
Gareth Keenan hello
Alright?
Ah, can't, goign up Chasers with the lads
Alright
Minimum age required
And obviously you can't hear that, but I'm not talking to myself, because they're filming


Format Comedy Mockumentary Satire Created by Ricky Gervais Stephen Merchant Starring Ricky Gervais Martin Freeman Mackenzie Crook Lucy Davis Oliver Chris Patrick Baladi Stacey Roca Ralph Ineson Stirling Gallacher Opening theme "Handbags and Gladrags" by Big George Country of origin United Kingdom No. of episodes 14 (List of episodes) Production Running time approx. 30 minutes Broadcast Original channel BBC Two Original run 9 July 2001 – 27 December 2003 Chronology Related shows The Office (U.S. TV series) The Office is a BAFTA Award, Golden Globe Award winning and Emmy-nominated British television comedy that first aired in the UK on BBC Two on 9 July 2001. Created, written, and directed by Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant, the programme is about the day-to-day lives of office employees in the Slough, Berkshire branch of the fictitious Wernham Hogg Paper Company. Although fictional and scripted, the programme takes the form of a documentary (a fictional documentary, i.e. a mockumentary), with the presence of the camera often acknowledged. Two six-episode series were made, along with a pair of 45-minute Christmas specials. As well as being shown internationally on BBC Worldwide channels such as BBC Prime, BBC America and BBC Canada, the series has been sold to broadcasters in over 80 countries, including ABC in Australia, TVNZ in New Zealand and the pan-Asian satellite channel STAR World, based in Hong Kong. The show shares themes with a later social satire created by Gervais and Merchant, Extras, namely social clumsiness, the trivialities of human behaviour, self-importance and conceit, frustration and desperation and fame [1]. In May 2004 a French version called Le Bureau was made. A German version called Stromberg[2] was made in October 2004. In November 2004 a Brazilian show on the Globo channel, Os Aspones, was also heavily modelled on the series' format. Four years after the show's critical success an American version was launched on NBC on 24 March 2005. A fifth adaptation, the French-Canadian\Quebec's La Job, had its TV debut in January 2007. Contents [hide] * 1 Background * 2 Characters o 2.1 Main characters + 2.1.1 David Brent + 2.1.2 Tim Canterbury + 2.1.3 Gareth Keenan + 2.1.4 Dawn Tinsley o 2.2 Secondary characters * 3 Episodes * 4 "The Office Values" and "Realising Potential" * 5 Awards * 6 Cast o 6.1 Main cast o 6.2 Minor cast + 6.2.1 Series One and Two + 6.2.2 Series One only + 6.2.3 Series Two only * 7 Music / Theme song * 8 DVDs * 9 See also * 10 References * 11 Further reading * 12 External links [edit] Background The show is set in Slough, England, a satellite town of London, immortalised for its lack of appeal by John Betjeman in his poem "Slough" ("Come, friendly bombs..."), in a small branch of the fictitious paper company Wernham Hogg (where "life is stationery"). The show has no laugh track and is in the mockumentary style, devised at a time when documentaries such as Airport and A Life of Grime (which follow people performing their jobs) were popular. The office is headed by regional manager David Brent (Gervais) and his assistant ("to the regional manager"), Gareth Keenan (Mackenzie Crook), who is also a lieutenant in the Territorial Army. Much of the series' comedic success stems from Brent, who frequently makes attempts to win favour with his employees and peers with embarrassing or disastrous results. Brent's character flaws are used to comic effect, including numerous verbal gaffes, unconscious racism, sexism and other social faux-pas. The other main plot line of the series, and many of the more human elements found in it, come from the unassuming Tim Canterbury (Martin Freeman), whose relationship with bored receptionist Dawn Tinsley (Lucy Davis) is a major arc in the series. Their flirtation soon builds to a mutual romantic attraction, despite her engagement to the dour and laddish warehouse worker, Lee (Joel Beckett). The theme song for the show is "Handbags and Gladrags", arranged by Big George and originally written in the 1960s by Mike D'Abo, former vocalist for the pop group Manfred Mann. [edit] Characters [edit] Main characters A comparison between characters in different series is available here The main cast of The Office The main cast of The Office The Office is essentially a character-based comedy, following around the people who work in the office environment. While being more of an ensemble piece than star-driven, four characters in particular are the primary focus of the show: [edit] David Brent Main article: David Brent David Brent (Ricky Gervais) is the general manager of the Slough offices of the Wernham Hogg paper merchants. He considers himself to be a successful maverick in the business world and a Renaissance man, talented in philosophy, music and comedy. Although he believes himself to be friendly, hilarious, and well-liked, he is in reality petty, pompous and snide. His immature behaviour comes across as he bumbles around the office—always hovering around the camera—telling unfunny jokes, performing hackneyed impressions and generally getting himself into trouble by talking before thinking. Although Brent considers himself to be a modern, politically correct man he often displays patronising (and at times offensive) attitudes towards women, ethnic minorities, homosexuals and disabled people. [edit] Tim Canterbury Main article: Tim Canterbury Tim Canterbury (Martin Freeman) is a sales rep at Wernham Hogg. Unlike David Brent, Tim is funny and unpretentious. His witticisms and friendliness make him one of the most likeable characters of the show. However, he leads an unsatisfying life—at 30, he still lives with his parents and works at a job he believes to be completely pointless. Although he wishes to leave Wernham Hogg to pursue his greater aspirations, his insecurity has prevented him from taking any significant action. Stuck in his drab lifestyle, he maintains his sanity by pursuing an improbable romance with the receptionist, Dawn Tinsley, and by playing practical jokes on Gareth. [edit] Gareth Keenan Main article: Gareth Keenan Gareth Keenan (Mackenzie Crook) is Tim's clueless desk mate and nemesis. Unlike Tim, Gareth is a humourless jobsworth with few attractive personality traits. He is obsessed with military violence and his service in the Territorial Army and perpetually annoys Tim with ridiculous, pretentious comments. He prides himself in being Team Leader, not realizing his title is mostly meaningless, and imposes the little authority he has on his co-workers. Like David Brent, Gareth is arrogant and oblivious. The rest of the office quietly recognizes Gareth as David Brent's lapdog. However it is seen in the Christmas special that Gareth has taken an ugly side against David Brent and patronises him and humiliates him to the cameras, which is almost a turn of the tables as it is seen on several occasions in the first and second series, David is treating Gareth poorly. [edit] Dawn Tinsley Main article: Dawn Tinsley Dawn Tinsley (Lucy Davis) is Wernham Hogg's receptionist, and David Brent's dogsbody (gofer). She frequently has to put up with Brent's attempts at humour and social interaction. Like her friend and co-worker Tim, she is aware of the sad state of her unfulfilling life—she has been in a long, rocky engagement with her fiancé Lee and gave up illustrating children's books to pursue her current fruitless career. [edit] Secondary characters Several other recurring characters, although not central to the episodes, have made their mark on office life. These include: "Big" Keith Bishop (Ewen Macintosh): Keith works in the accounts department. Slow-talking, emotionless and suffering from eczema, he is a man of few words. When he does speak, his comments can be surprising and sometimes disturbing. He likes eating scotch eggs and watching Peak Practice. Chris "Finchy" Finch (Ralph Ineson): David's so-called "best friend", he is probably the only character in the series who is genuinely cruel. He is a confident, openly sexist, rasping-voiced northerner with a natural flair for bullying others with swift, humiliating putdowns (with Brent being his usual target). He likes to dominate conversations and is successful with women, but shows a humourless vicious streak when he loses the staff quiz in series one. David acts as his lackey, laughing at his jokes and attempting to ride his coat-tails into the limelight. Finch repays him with disdain. Jennifer Taylor-Clarke (Stirling Gallacher): David's boss in the first series. Jennifer is a serious-minded professional, and David's behaviour and comedy-driven style of management are shown to be puerile and ineffectual by contrast. David calls her Camilla Parker-Bowles—"Not to her face, of course... not 'cause I'm scared of her." Lee (Joel Beckett): Dawn's fiancé, who works in the company's warehouse. She met him in school and they have been together ever since. Whereas Dawn has dreams and yearns to be playful, Lee is humourless, unromantic and casually and obliviously dismissive of Dawn's ideas of being an illustrator. His idea of an amorous proposal was a four-word notice in the newspaper—"Lee love Dawn, marriage?"—to save money. It is clear from an early stage that Dawn stays with him out of a fear of loneliness rather than real love—Lee is safe and dependable. Lee is also more manly and physically imposing than Tim, Dawn's other potential interest, and for that reason Tim finds him intimidating. Ricky (Oliver Chris): Introduced as David's new temp in the pilot. He was primarily featured in episode three, where he and Tim form a team for trivia night under the name "the Tits". The two end up winning, thanks to Ricky successfully answering a tie-breaker question on Shakespeare, against Chris Finch. Finch, angered, challenges him over the circumstances of the victory in a petty feud, where Ricky calls him and Brent "sad little men". It is announced by Brent in the season one finale that Ricky is leaving. Donna (Sally Bretton): Donna is introduced in Series 1, Episode 2 as the daughter of David's best friends Ron and Elaine, who has come to work at the office, and is staying with David. Donna makes a quick impact in the office, and fails to reciprocate Gareth's romantic feelings towards her. Later, David confronts her for not returning home, and Donna angrily announces she stayed at her boyfriend's house, later revealed to be Ricky. She is almost always wearing a purple top. Neil Godwin (Patrick Baladi): David's boss in the second series. Originally David's counterpart at the Swindon branch of the company, Neil was promoted ahead of him when David failed a medical examination. Neil is young, charming, professional and energetic. He is a more competent manager than David, has a better relationship with the staff and, to pour vinegar into the wound, finds it easier to make the staff laugh. Brent is hugely resentful and jealous of him, and makes occasional (and largely unsuccessful) attempts to either undermine or rival him. Rachel (Stacey Roca): Another of the series two intake from Swindon. Rachel is bubbly and considered attractive by both Gareth and Tim. She and Tim start a relationship, making Dawn somewhat melancholy. After a deluded Gareth reveals his plans to seduce Rachel, he is shocked to discover that Rachel and Tim are now an item. However, toward the end of the second series, as she begins to pressure Tim to make a greater commitment, Tim realizes that his ongoing love for Dawn is far greater than his feelings for Rachel and breaks off the relationship. Rachel is not seen again after the second series. Trudy (Rachel Isaac): Welsh Trudy is first introduced in series two as one of several of the new intake from the Swindon branch. Almost immediately, she establishes herself as something of a fun time girl, blending in well with the rest of the staff and enjoying a booze fuelled birthday celebration in her honour at the office. Her casual, sexually charged nature doesn't go unnoticed by the male members of staff and both Gareth and Chris Finch take interest in her. We see her and Finch having sex in the less than exotic surroundings of a car park. By the time of the Christmas special, it initially seems that Trudy has mellowed somewhat, although she is seen in a passionate clinch with Oliver by the end of the Christmas party. Trudy is also quick to challenge Brent's style of management. Oliver (Howard Saddler): One of the series two intake from Swindon. Oliver is good natured, tolerant, easy-going and quiet, which is lucky for him as he is the only black person working in the office. As such he is the target for most of David's well-meaning but hideously misguided attempts to show what a politically correct and racially tolerant man he is. In the Christmas Specials, we see Oliver's co-worker Sheila clearly attracted to him, although he actually ends up in a steamy clinch with the more confident Trudy. Brenda (Julie Fernandez): Another of the former employees of the Swindon branch, Brenda is a wheelchair user, which naturally brings out the worst in David. During a fire drill, he and Gareth attempt to carry Brenda down the stairs but ultimately, as they see it as being too much effort for a mere drill, abandon her on the way down. Brenda is not impressed by David's patronising behaviour. She, like Oliver, is another character whose purpose is to highlight the gap between David's vision of himself as a modern enlightened man and the reality of his ignorance and thoughtlessness. Gareth, like Brent, is also seen to be incredibly awkward around Brenda. [edit] Episodes Main article: List of The Office (UK TV series) episodes [edit] "The Office Values" and "Realising Potential" In 2004, Microsoft UK commissioned two 20-minute corporate videos featuring David Brent being interviewed by Jeff (Stephen Merchant), a Microsoft employee who becomes increasingly exasperated by Brent's antics. The ongoing theme is Brent's obvious resentment at the company's success. Brent also appears to believe he has what it takes to become the next managing director of Microsoft and continually drops hints to that effect. While not on general release, the videos emerged on the internet in 2006. They were posted on both YouTube and Google Video.[1] The clips also appeared on certain peer-to-peer networks. Microsoft was unhappy with the leak, stating that the videos "were never intended to be viewed by the public".[3] [edit] Awards In January 2004, The Office won the Golden Globe Award for "Best Television Series: Musical Or Comedy", beating nominees Arrested Development, Monk, Sex and the City and Will & Grace. It was the only British comedy in 25 years to be nominated for a Golden Globe, and the first ever to win one. Ricky Gervais was also awarded the Golden Globe for "Best Performance by an Actor in a Television Series: Musical or Comedy" for his role. The series won the Best TV Comedy award, and Gervais the Best TV Comedy Actor award, at the British Comedy Awards 2002. In 2004, the BBC's Britain's Best Sitcom public poll voted it the 25th all-time favourite out of a preselected list of 100. In 2005, the series' concluding two-part special was nominated for two Emmys in the categories of "Outstanding Made for Television Movie" and "Outstanding Writing for a Miniseries, Movie or a Dramatic Special" [2]. [edit] Cast [edit] Main cast * Ricky Gervais as David Brent * Martin Freeman as Tim Canterbury * Mackenzie Crook as Gareth Keenan * Lucy Davis as Dawn Tinsley * Patrick Baladi as Neil Godwin * Ralph Ineson as Chris Finch * Stirling Gallacher as Jennifer Taylor-Clarke [edit] Minor cast [edit] Series One and Two * Joel Beckett as Lee * Ben Bradshaw as Ben * Nicola Cotter as Karen Roper * Jamie Deeks as Jamie * Vincent Franklin as Rowan (training facilitator) * Jane Lucas as Sheila * Ewen Macintosh as Keith * Emma Manton as Emma * Ron Merchant as Gordon * Alexander Perkins as Ralph * Phillip Pickard as Phillip * Peter Purves as Himself (cameo) * David Schaal as Glynn [edit] Series One only * Sally Bretton as Donna * Oliver Chris as Ricky Howard * Angela Clerkin as Jackie * Yvonne D'Alpra as Joan * Robin Hooper as Malcolm [edit] Series Two only * Julie Fernandez as Brenda * Tom Goodman-Hill as Ray * Jennifer Hennessy as Jude * Matthew Holness as Simon (the computer geek) * Rachel Isaac as Trudy * Stephen Merchant as Oggie * Tony MacMurray as Tony * Stacey Roca as Rachel * Howard Saddler as Oliver [edit] Music / Theme song In 2000, a version of Handbags and Gladrags, a song written by Mike d'Abo was specifically arranged by Big George as the theme song to The Office series. Three versions were recorded: * a short, instrumental piece as the opening titles theme * a short, vocal piece as the closing titles theme * an alternative full studio version All vocal versions feature the vocal performance of Waysted vocalist Fin. In series one, episode four, a version performed by Ricky Gervais (in character as David Brent) was featured over the end credits. [edit] DVDs Region One DVD Name Release Date Ep # Additional Information Series One 7 October 2003 6 This double disc DVD set includes all six episodes from the first series. Bonus features include the featurette How I Made The Office, deleted scenes, Wernham Hogg News, Slough slang glossary, and Wernham Hogg personnel file. Series Two 20 April 2004 6 This one disc DVD set includes all six episodes from the second series. Bonus features include a video diary, deleted scenes, out-takes, and a Slough slang glossary. Christmas Special 16 November 2004 2 This one disc DVD set includes both hours of the Christmas Special. Bonus features include a documentary on the making of the specials, the full uncut music video of David Brent's cover of "If you Don't Know me By Now", a featurette on the making of "Freelove Freeway", and a Golden Globes featurette. Complete Collection 16 November 2004 14 This four disc DVD set includes all 12 episodes from the first and second series, and both parts of the Christmas special. Bonus features include the How I Made The Office documentary, deleted scenes, out-takes, a video diary, a Golden Globes featurette, and a music video. [edit] See also * Slough Trading Estate * Comparing versions of the show * Free Love Freeway [edit] References 1. ^ rickygervais.com: Heeeere's Ricky 2. ^ "Stromberg (ProSieben) 3. ^ BBC News: Microsoft unhappy at Gervais leak [edit] Further reading * Dessau, Bruce (2002-09-27). "BFI NFT Interviews: Ricky Gervais & Stephen Merchant". British Film Institute. Retrieved on 2008-07-29. * Walters, Ben (2005-12-01). The Office, BFI TV Classics. London: BFI Publishing. ISBN 9781844570911. [edit] External links Wikiquote has a collection of quotations related to: The Office * Ricky Gervais' Website * The Office at the Internet Movie Database * Official BBC Website * Pilkipedia Online encyclopaedia based around Karl Pilkington, Stephen Merchant and Ricky Gervais